Classified Ads
Personals
Worried that the democratic nature of the internet might lead you interact with those from the wrong socio-economic bracket? Has your neurotic snobbery left you utterly unable to relate to others? You need be alone no longer, thanks to our new contacts page. Whether you’re looking for love, fellowship or something no woman could ever understand, send in your advert or reply to those below
Charming libertine journalist (Oundelian)– own teeth and chaise longue – seeks eastern European actress (preferably in need of a visa) to share absinthe breakfasts, stimulating intellectual discourse, rare herbs and relaxing weeks in bed.
Submissive male (Old Cranleighan) seeks dominant partner (female preferred but open to alternatives) for dinner, dancing (you'll lead), then domination. No Masons. Repressed and neurotic man (Brentwood) is incapable of expressing his needs or desires in this advert or any other medium. Let's have a face to face meeting so I can tell you how to do your job properly. Middle aged bully (Sedberghian) seeks weedy men to whip with wet towels and laugh at in the showers. Please enclose a picture of your favourite soft toy in old school colours. Former librarian (Oundelian, questionable hygiene) seeks quiet unassertive female to fantasise about in the privacy of his own shed. Enclose photo. Meeting totally unnecessary. |
Retired housemaster, Cert Ed, Dip PE, strong sense of propriety, never married, seeks smaller and weaker people to intimidate and patronise. Strictly no girls. Ampleforth-educated Oxford don (42), haunted by misplaced feelings of religious guilt, seeks female to assuage soul. Resemblance to Virgin Mary or Brother O’Dwyer preferred. "Wot yous lookin at four eyes?" Rough local types seek effete myopic public schoolboys to chase through the streets. Initial taunts may progress to a right kicking if the chemistry’s right. No contact lenses. Old Brutonian who has been searching for anyone who went to a more minor school. Still searching. Please send reasons why your school was even worse than mine. No girls: I'm just not that type of chap I'm afraid. Old Stoic, unexpectedly reacquainted with many old school chums, seeks new friends who went to other public schools. Letters only please I went to one of the oldest schools in the world. You will be impressed by my poise and clothes. I'll take advantage of you. Old Peterite seeks non-privately educated females for cleaning, sewing and cooking. They taught me that was a woman's place. Prove me right. Old Felstedian, pillar of local community, Rotarian, member of chamber of commerce, own business, seeks three discreet 16-year-old boys for afternoon tasks. Students from comprehensive schools only please. Please send all Box replies to personals [at] crappublicschools.org |
