Public School Kitsch
Most readers of this site, being alumni of rather underwhelming public schools, will have an old school tie kicking about at the back of their wardrobe. Usually this will be a striped horror made out of something like 102% styrofoam, although it may (particularly if the school is a real fourth-rater) eschew stripes in favour of little shields or crests.
These objects are bad enough but, compared to some public school memorabilia, almost completely inoffensive. Nor is kitsch school memorabilia a modern phenomenon - as you'll see below it stretches back to time immemorial (or at least before Stowe was founded).
This page will feature a selection of revolting public school objects from all eras. If you have any examples, please let us know or tip off the other members of the Association on our message board.
Uppingham Tracksuit 
It's not hard to spot an Uppingham schoolboy when you're in the small Rutland town that gives the school its name. The fact that he is wearing a uniform, supposedly instituted out of mourning for some dead monarch or another, tends to make him look rather different from, say, a vegetable salesman or poacher. This can make it rather difficult for the under-age boy to gain access to one or another of the local hostelries.
Luckily the school shop sells this rather fetching polyester and cotton tracksuit, arms slashed with the school colours. It might be vile, but any boy wearing this will easily blend in with the hordes of chavs that prowl the streets of nearby Corby, allowing him to score bottles of MD 20/20 with impunity from any off-licence.
Sedbergh Field Glasses Ornament
It's a sad fact but alumni of minor public schools often marry the sort of woman who takes delight in collecting china objects and putting them in glass-fronted cabinets. These people also have a habit of being twice as proud of your school as you are ashamed of it. Why else, then, would there be a market for slightly-gilded china representations of a pair of field glasses, weirdly stamped with your school arms?
Canford Pashminas
No, this isn't some sick sort of spoof. These are genuine public school pashminas for your discerning lady alumna. Though why Canford couldn't drape one round a young lady instead of this statue, I really don't know. Maybe they are too "keen to achieve all they can and take full advantage of their opportunities"? Or maybe they just regard such fripperies as an abominable waste of money?
Felsted Underpants
There's nothing like celebrating your time at Felsted School with a pair of Old Felstedian underpants. After all, whether you loved the place or hated it, you'd be hard pressed to resist the chance to rub your crotch against the hallowed school colours as you go about your daily business.
